How Quickly Your Thoughts Change

in a week
two days
or ten days

you will have
ever changing
thoughts and ideas

it can be
fun
difficult
arbitrary
to keep up
but here i am

trying to keep
my mind at bay
or off- my first
mistake?

Hard to Sleep When the World is Busy

When the world is spinning
meteors melting
balls of gas shining
illuminating
vast, black sky with the
inkling speckles that
shine year after year

Tilting on axis
fiery jets with
autopilot on.
Surreal blue covered

Do you ever just....

04/19 watch a sad romance flick and cry yourself to sleep from the emotions?
04/22 miss your first boyfriend to the point where you just want to ask to hangout?
04/23 sing/yell a love song down Higley Rd and start crying because you miss your beautiful friend?

Bees

We need them.
We depend on them.

Why are people eating their vomit?! WHY. WHY. WHY. Those bees out there, slaving away, need us to stop stealing their food source!! Ugh. Stop it! Just stop wanting to exploit animals. I don't understand.

Interesting life works

You learn a lot about yourself in tough situations, and my break up still "haunts" me more or less. So now, i officially know that you're moving. And it was weird at first because of the not knowing anything about you anymore part. You'll live somewhere and i won't know. Hey, I'm not complaining though. What i learned is that if i truly wanted to be back with you, that would have happened; however, I've narrowed it down. I'm selfish and feel that i should still know what you are up too. What a bad thing to want. Thinking that you are out and about having more fun than when we were together was annoying. That's just the perfect example though!! We never made it a point to actual have special dates with one another. And pillow talk?! That happened once that i can actually remember because it was memorable. It was a nice try all in all... thankfully i helped you with your stupid shit. Which you know what, you lied to me for seven months. Obviously you weren't going to straight out tell me at the beginning but for a while after August 25th, i couldn't trust your behaviors. Were you doppy happy or genuinely happy? I was sweet to you after finding out July 4th too. Iced kisses. And my favorite holiday ruined.

But see, Forth of July's don't have that memory. Its always a new one. Like a house. Your new house. You said a "fresh start" to be made. Interesting how you attach objects with memories. :/

Gosh i could rant

If, for some abstract reason, you read this Bradley Kenneth Sisko, know that Europe was scary and a big change. I never intended to meet a man. And the entire relationship between you and i was just the two of us. I never veered off the path. You were the only man in my life.
That being said, it does not make my actions okay and i would take them back.

Let go, or be dragged.

I was gone for a month

And when i came back, i decided to end it. You  had less than a week with me until i tore us apart, taking pieces of your heart and sanity with me. I think your head and heart have healed now, maybe?

I would not know. It seems like it.

I apologize and wish there was a way to make it better.  Even now.

Water

Getting into hatha yoga makes my heart over joyous. It has been a while, but i want to feel good come June. I can do it :) be the best you possible!!

Hiking
Rock climbing
Yoga
Slack lining
Taking pups to park
Squats!!!
Lunges!!!

1:48am on 04/07

Nope, not friends
Acquaintances! Ha,
yet we once shared
each other's hands,
our beds
our choices.

Reminder,
let go
or be dragged.

1:03 pm on 04/05

Moon dust fell in my eyes
  But you caught every particle
    Just like that
       Sent it flying in all directions
And left, suddenly

If i would have known any better
   I would have disregarded everything
      And ignored your questions since
         We aren't exactly "friends"
Right?

Life in April

Geez! Talk about stress.