lust is not love

just over here trying to figure out why i do dumb shit that i get upset over

but not normal upset: is that a thing?


depressed, crying, panic attack upset
flittering  thoughts of absence

i hurt my own feelings over and over

I AM

I am a perfect expanding being

I am love

I am happiness

I am proud

I am confident

I am joy

I am love

I am kindness

I am happy

Love is love

what i want:

figure out why I have patterns that dont align with who i am. cheating is a great example. it seems that i check out of the relationship; however, I dont actually take initiative and break up.

08.18.18

The feeling I am reaching for tonight is one that is similar to sleep. I am a sleepy girl. That Weiss beer was some heavy shit...I actually enjoyed it. The theater that Josh and I pass often was open so we decided to go in and watch two of the "movements". The fun thing was our walk afterwards. We went to his place for a bit except left, luckily, after making out and hiding from him. Heheh. Yeah, walked. Ate some blackberries and window shopped. Talked. :) I really enjoy my time spent with Josh. One thing he mentioned tonight was, "What if this is just how we are all the time?" and YES! I have to agree! Yes! Yes! Yes! I think of that all the time. No honeymoon phase because that;s how I feel we are with eachother. <3 <3 Just the way we are! I understand that might be a naive way of looking at our relationship; however, we seem to talk through any problems and enjoy it all. Feel it all. Everything is usually taken care of. One reality is not worrying about Josh's worries. The reason totally has to do with "taking care of your own shit." Mastery of Love, stuff.

July 24th 2018; what am i in your universe?

Youre a fiery comet bouncing around. Am I always or subconsciously thinking about us being fleeting? If i were to think about it, you are a planet- a tropical, lush planet. Green, flowers blooming everywhere. 

i needed this right now ~

"You will create time and space for yourself--time and space that is nobody's but yours. You will enjoy the silence that you surround yourself with and collect your thoughts and be certain of your decisions. You will understand why you acted in ways you could not understand before. You will feel comfortable in your own skin, maybe even for the first time in your life. You will be able to communicate with others better because you are confident. You know what you believe in and no one can take that from you."