each day

i miss you more than I thought I would. people assume I'm over you for obvious reasons, yet im reminded of "us" constantly. the trees at a park, my camera, freckles, the color gray, a fence. yeah, I can see these things and I'm reminded.
how many years has it been since we've last hung out? your room was always a mess which meant I'd have to wait outside in the den until all your dirty clothes were in the hamper. youd even organize all your baseball caps on your wall. you had such wonderful style- babe. we were suppose to watch a movie once, but it was way too confusing. kissing was a lot more entertaining. we used to kiss.
i wish we would have worked. being with you was always my favorite especially after school. talking about nothing important because having you next to me was important enough. you enjoyed cuddling too, so i was hooked. then you got that white Ford truck. such a classic. you picked me up once and we started talking from where we left off. your driving was wonderful; it wasn't teenage boy crazy like the usual. it was safe. it was a Friday..now I remember! you wore those fancy jeans, a baseball cap, a white t-shirt. when you drove me back home you still smelt amazing even after an entire day of being busy...how?
you wanted me to be a priority when you came back from Boston that one week during summer. fuck, i should have leaped at the opportunity. it's the worst being reminded of you because you wanted me at one point. me! i blew you off. I wish I could take that might  back- I dont think you understand the desire. Id kiss you in the pool. wrap my arms around you. say, yes! yes ill be your girlfriend.

maybe I wouldnt be here writing about you or maybe I would? you would still have moved far away, out of reach.
you said, I don't live in Arizona anymore.

oh.