Tuscon

Barren desert yet delicious food
Taxidermy, mountains and SR-71
Black night and black in day
A pilot is the life for me,
If i were Swiss and 83

As If I Write About You

elena, 

you didnt have to pull the trigger. 
you could have dialed your mom
your sisters, anyone. you could have dialed
and hung up or dialed
and said hello.
hello, i have depressiondepression.
black, gray and even 
darker are the thoughts I keep. 

You chose 
to flood us with endless whatifs 
whatifs 
whatif she wasnt all there. 
whatif she didnt realize it. 
whatif she was tired of living. 

but 
now 
whatifs change. and 
i ask myself whatif 
whatif
whatif i would have talked to her 
and
whatif she would have told me 
whatif it would have helped

fuck you, elena. whatifs dont bring you back

Hey QT

I think about you everyday. I wish things could have happened differently. Why didn't i ask you where you were that week? We could have met up in California, little bird. I am missing you and notice you all around. It isn't fair to have you gone. And i wish we would have taken more pictures together. I figured out why i couldn't find some of just you and i though- whenever with you, i was undeniably in the moment. My absolute favorite memory was when we were swimming in the river together instead of staying on the tube. They moved so!slow anyways! The water was remarkably refreshing, we swam past fishes brushing up on our legs by accident and scared our friends because we seemed like the counter-culture girls. Ah, you took out the wild side in me. I knew it too.

I want you back. I would tell you how much you mean to me and everyone else around you. Why couldnt you talk to someone or come home? :(

Elena Carter

Elena Carter

 

You are bright and warm-stop!
That is for the sun. Don’t go
stealing that away.
Your laugh bounces and rings
and wraps and cradles
like a remarkably pink atmosphere,
blinding and cloudy,
perfumed and wrapped like a pretty bow.
Your grin is certainly blue. How beautiful your lips
look thinning before stretching back and back
until showing your pearly whites.
Like waves coming to shore again and again.
I found it wonderful how your eyes connect
with your nose that connects
with your smiley mouth that clicks with green
when you sing Rainbowarriors by CocoRosie.
You should do that more often.
Because your voice stretches and pushes
until it holds. Everything you say is honest. 
So why then did we not realize
that you meant it when you said,
"Some see too much beauty in life
they end life,"

 

and grabbed a gun
to end yours. 

 

Character poem

Elena Carter

 

You are bright and warm-stop!
That is for the sun. Don’t go
stealing that away.
Your laugh bounces and rings
and wraps and cradles.
It's remarkably pink.
Your atmosphere is blinding and cloudy.
Perfumed and wrapped like a pretty bow.
Your grin is certainly blue. How beautiful your lips
look thinning before stretching back and back
until showing your pearly whites.
Like waves coming to shore again and again.
I found it wonderful how your eyes connect
with your nose that connects
with your mouth that clicks with green
when you sing Budding Trees by Nahko.
You should do that more often.
Because your voice stretches and pushes
until it holds. Everything you say is honest. 
So why then did we not realize
that you meant it when you said,
Some see too much beauty in life
they end life.

 

And grabbed a gun to end yours.

 

carterelena

I cannot get you out of my head.

Do you dream of me ?

so a couple nights ago i woke up from a nap. i had a very interesting dream that I was somewhere snowy. For some reason I figured it was Norway. i got on to this round boat like aircraft. it was strange- Brenda, was there and so was Ronaldo, Amy and dad. brenda had heels on so she wasn't allowed to step on the aircraft because she could have punctured it. we were taken somewhere and we got to look at the landscape and the towns and there was a giant bridge. we saw the tiny people like ants crawling to and fro. then we came back and boarded somewhere. and then a lady dressed in white came out and tells us, "now you get to choose," as we are presented with four syringes and we are told to choose one..... we're not told what they are. i chose. and she tells me i chose love. as to what the others were.. well, i only remembered one in my dream. happiness. and the last two I didn't pay attention to. in my dream I started laughing hysterically like a maniac. i yelled, "love? i chose love? for happiness!?" and I woke up suddenly. were we going to only feel love if we chose love? to what extent? and when I chose love does that mean I'm not happy or that happiness does not exist within my capability of love?

strange dreamin'