polluted mind

i know when things aren't good for me, but I want them anyways. i can make it work, watch me. having a perfectly messy life is alright in my mind. im young and so dam comfortable with people. ill be fine. calling things off sometimes gives you such relief and sometimes it can cause this unbalance. im happy to say the least. i did it. i dont even need it anymore. the toxic is already exiting, slowly...slowly. who wants a scrub anyways? smart is sexy. it was all easier than I thought. congratse em. round of applause.

isnt it strange

everything in our lives will be completely altered by the next ten years. it's inevitable yet exciting. new people. new science and technology. new wars whether it's between countries or ourselves. remind the people you love how much you appreciate them. how they can change your frown into a smile. you could easily lose them between now and the next ten years. become aware of the new technology that is being created. imagine all the crazy innovative ideas that have surfaced from the beginning of the decade and how quickly ideas transpire. it's scary just thinking about it. control your temper. don't get angry over itty bitty events that can easily be looked over. will it matter in ten years? travel the world because in ten years the increased population could slowly move into inhabited places. check them out now- as many as you can. take your friends and family along. get creative. make memories that no matter how hard you try you won't be able to forget.
see you in ten years.

feelings

playing around with some poetry

I'm sure there's a ghost haunting me, telling me things, polluting my mind,
taking my spirit a little at a time,
making me guilty, calling me names,
wanting my friends, wanting my life.

I think

...senior year second semester is full of anxiety and fun
...boys should care more
...parents should save their breath instead of rant on about the small things
...think twice about what you say- it really could save you the embarrassment
...grades are a waste of time
...taking pictures of people is awkward
...getting pictures taken by someone is twice as awkward
...revisiting the past pollutes the mind
...going to the gym is relaxing
...being able to talk to the person who understands the most is such a comfortable feeling
...im social enough to have friends- that's it
...running is one of my favorite hobbies; all I do is pretend there's a monster chasing me and take off
...people need to be a lot more patient and understanding
...I worry too much
...music is life
...high school is a huge joke
...my sister will never understand what falling for the wrong person means
...in twenty years I will have a completely different life and outlook on society
...nau will be a great adventure

feelings

I have the hardest time keeping my emotions under control. Sometimes I feel so lonely even when i have the right people next to me. I find myself happy most of the time. Then I recognize the sadness, guilt, anxiety.  I don't express it all to someone..bottle it in for when the time is right.
Think happy. Smile. Be happy.
Don't take life too seriously.
Stop.
Im done.

Just have fun.

I think these thoughts repeatedly. Over and over, day after day. "think happy, be happy." Okay im happy. I'm smiling. It's working. But what the hell am i suppose to do afterwards. Once i fuck up? Oh right, "don't take life too seriously Emily," and once i do- because im always over thinking- i start carving "stop," in my heart.  I whisper "im done," but I'm young, and I just want to have fun.  So the loneliness is filled with warm hands and a goofy attitude.  Just have fun Emily. 

1.09

Currently interested in:
-dancing
-folk music
-anatomical hearts
- naps
-ceramics
-a tall boy in my clay class
-relay
-punk music...
-yj
-happy attitude
-making friends
-expressing myself
-running
-Steve Miller Band
-tea