Tuscon

Barren desert yet delicious food
Taxidermy, mountains and SR-71
Black night and black in day
A pilot is the life for me,
If i were Swiss and 83

As If I Write About You

elena, 

you didnt have to pull the trigger. 
you could have dialed your mom
your sisters, anyone. you could have dialed
and hung up or dialed
and said hello.
hello, i have depressiondepression.
black, gray and even 
darker are the thoughts I keep. 

You chose 
to flood us with endless whatifs 
whatifs 
whatif she wasnt all there. 
whatif she didnt realize it. 
whatif she was tired of living. 

but 
now 
whatifs change. and 
i ask myself whatif 
whatif
whatif i would have talked to her 
and
whatif she would have told me 
whatif it would have helped

fuck you, elena. whatifs dont bring you back

Hey QT

I think about you everyday. I wish things could have happened differently. Why didn't i ask you where you were that week? We could have met up in California, little bird. I am missing you and notice you all around. It isn't fair to have you gone. And i wish we would have taken more pictures together. I figured out why i couldn't find some of just you and i though- whenever with you, i was undeniably in the moment. My absolute favorite memory was when we were swimming in the river together instead of staying on the tube. They moved so!slow anyways! The water was remarkably refreshing, we swam past fishes brushing up on our legs by accident and scared our friends because we seemed like the counter-culture girls. Ah, you took out the wild side in me. I knew it too.

I want you back. I would tell you how much you mean to me and everyone else around you. Why couldnt you talk to someone or come home? :(