Letter from Aug 2015

Hey Em! I hope you've realized how fast time flies. A couple months ago you were embarking on one of the busiest semesters and of course you've got no one to stop you from following your goals. Right now, life is great. I've been busy with school, family adventures and creating some beautiful relationships with friends. Remember, any negative people in your life? It's okay to let them go! I think being able to stay true to myself will be the smoothest for me this semester. Staying productive in a positive way is a challenge that I might expect. I feel wonderful in this moment though. Life is beautiful!! I see the good things coming. I've started to chase my dreams slowly. Berlin, perhaps? Rock climbing, painting, reading- keep it up! I definitely need to work out more and get smarter with how I eat, so hopefully that's happened. And Em, I want to remind you as well that co-dependency is not for you. Find happiness within yourself. Work on those arm stands too. :) 

Shocked because it's the truth.

Couldn't believe you said that about someone i don't know, on a continent i don't know about, and at a time when I'm with you.

Because that's exactly what i want in life. And even if i find it, you aren't going to stop me from getting it. Just amazing for you to tell me that. I couldn't believe it.

Nov 30th 2015

Mingle not

Life cracks and breaks when my mother's involved. *insert annoyed face*

6.

CATCH FLIGHTS

    NOT FEELINGS

5.

Just be yourself Emily.
You don't need a man in your life just yet. Especially because he wants to give me his all and i can't even give myself 25%. It JUST isn't fair to my head. To him. It's such a mess.

I need my time. I need to figure it out by myself :) it sounds amazing. Just me, myself and i.

...play Adele and have memory lane kick in.

Time to act!! You got this, girl.

4.

Oh man the car. And the space within the car. It's hard now because the rain was perfect. Oh how i love Arizona weather

3.

I wish i could forget about you because i want to focus on Noel and only him

2.

Disappearing sounds great right about now

1.

Talk about weird confessions. Time to heal is and always will be necessary!

.9

I have only been able to dream during my naps. Last night i dreamt you called me to yell and accuse me of something and it wasn't a nap. I woke up feeling very strange.

.8

It was meaningful
You always talked in prose
Boy, do i miss it

.7

Total strangers today.

.6

Quick head turns and snarky comments- ya still dig it???

.5

That boy looked just like you- the glasses and the pale, freckled skin with that long trendy hair style. So now, i cannot stop thinking about you.

.4

I like him.

.3

Interestingly enough, I've thought of you only because I'm trying to not forget you just yet.

.2

All kinds of love songs came on today, and i related them to our relationship every single time.

.1

But I don't see how to make it work

Me

It kills me. My heart starts to feel this awful pain and my throat closes up. I almost don't think about it..but when I do the tears start rolling down my cheeks. All you wanted was to hear my voice. And I wouldn't even do that for you. I thought you were being crazy when in fact it was quite the opposite. Sometimes you really act like a fuck up...and you only realize it after you've torn someone apart. I can't imagine how you felt. I try and I feel horrible. I ruined so much more than your trust. I ruined the way you'll view love and relationships. I keep whispering I'm sorry over and over again because at this point you've heard it several times. But I don't think you understand that this kills me.I truly regret it all. I haven't admitted it until just now. I regret it. I regret giving attention to a man who wasn't you. And acting as if you weren't one of the best things in my life. What the fuck was I thinking.

Yay!

Love is fun and weird and I'm just so happppy

New.

Dedicating this to positive vibes...starting...NOW!

Rants All Night Long

Educating yourself on vegetarianism and veganism isn't an easy task when videos such as Meet your Meats pop up. Helpless little earthlings getting tortured is always a tear jerker. I cannot go two seconds without bawling like a baby. I just get so emotional. A baby calf being ripped apart from the mother cow is such tragedy. Well, now I'm crying just from thinking about it. I always get angry that people can consume those sickly ANIMALS, and all I see are these poor creatures getting tortured and killed for consumption and profit. I also just notice How helpless they are. Humans are not and will not be friends to them. Such an awful experience, I must say. How do they not associate those animals to pet? I could easily have a pet pig or a duck. How in the world would I drag the piggy, shoot it in the head and let the earthling die a painful death. Hello?! I could never do that, and I am sure no one else could but they will support the slaughtering meat industry. This is why i lean more towards veganism. Even if I eat smoothies all day long, at least I will feel happier and no guilt towards supporting those industries. Milk sucks anyways. It would be so great to have someone to share this with since it is just ranting and ranting...I'll have to find a veg head somewhere and just taaaaaalk.

(praying my summer room mate doesn't eat meat..a girl can dream) 

April

*treat Bradley to as much as I can
*no seafood whatsoever
*slowly CUT OUT MILK & CHEESE (bye, bye feta)
*make deodorant & lip balm
*yoga
*blend up smoothie bowls
*cook up yummy rice bowls
*pay back that angry little lender
*meditate daily
*make friends
*smile
*regain self control if terrible J happens
*love never fails
*tolerate those who are hypocrites
*nap, nap, nap
*school is important, attend!
*squat & bike/run

Bang, boom!

Oregon and Washington, I miss you. I miss you because the times spent there was time spent with my love. I cannot wait to make plenty of memories in those states again in the years to come.

Such joy thinking about it all.

*always important*

Music, wonderful music. You get me. You make me feel it all.

Great Expression

"But I must admit I miss you quite terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby. I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept."

-Lemony Snicket

PSA

be on time when you make plans. if you're not, someone could be extremely annoyed.

Tired

Need. Sleep.  Now.

Little European slice

I'll put my dreams on hold, I've got years ahead of me. For your two, I'll do it.